(PHOTO) Nike Unveils USA World Cup Soccer/Popsicle Uniforms

aaworldcupjersey

Nice work, Nike. You can give college teams everything from camouflage to glow-in-the-dark uniforms, but when it comes to Team America you send them out into battle looking like a bunch of Euro weenies – namely the French!

The latest Team USA World Cup Soccer uniforms don’t look like something that will be instilling fear in the heart of the competition. They’re a little too red for my liking. Commie red! Putin is riding a bear shirtless right now having a laugh at our expense.

They also kind of look like those popsicles I used to chase the ice cream truck for when I was a kid. Ok, sometimes I still do. Don’t judge!

aapopsickle

Hey Nike, if you want to redesign the American uniforms you have to go full-on ‘Merica here. We want flags, bald eagles, machine guns, Ronald Reagan on a raptor kind of stuff.

aateamusa

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