According to my male friends, being a woman has all the advantages: “You get to look at your friends naked boobies all the time, you get to have multiple orgasms, and you get free drinks!” Blah, blah, blah, yeah, it’s really great being a gal, but there is one “perk” the boys seem to have forgotten – the vagina makes for a great gun holster. Now get me a drink before I blast you in the ball sack!
In this, my first entry into the “The Dirty South”, I will introduce you to…the vagina aka Mother Nature’s built-in purse – or gun holster, if you’re really from the South.
See, down South, it gets hot and muggy a lot, so we tend to dress light and not carry much. Which is exactly why the vagina comes in handy when you’re packing heat.
19-year old Dallas Archer of Kingsport, Tennessee was arrested for driving with a suspended license on Monday, April 21. When a female corrections officer at the local jail did her standard search on the classy gal, she “allegedly” discovered an “unknown object” deep in the heart of Dixie.
Upon further inspection, a loaded, five-shot, four-inch .22 caliber mini-revolver was discovered in the Southern Belle’s vag. She was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a *insert prepubescent giggle here* penal facility. Hey, give me a break, it’s seldom that I can get the words “penal” and “vag” into the same article and make it work!
Turns out, the gun had been stolen from a 70-year-old man’s car which had been ransacked the previous year. When questioned about the incident and being able to regain his stolen property, Ol’ Colonel Angus said, “I’ll make sure to give the little fellow a bath in bleach”.
You stay classy, Belles of Tennessee. Nice work showing the world that the vagina can double as an excellent gun holster. The South shall rise again!
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling