The Dirty South: Sex Toys Illegal in Alabama. I Am Now a Wanted Fugitive


Alabama is an interesting place to visit, but you won’t want to stay there.  Come on, the University of Alabama has shown you that!  But, some interesting news out of the Dirty South that you, my loyal and oh so sexy followers may not know, is that sex toys are illegal in Alabama, and have been since 1998. As if this was not ridiculous enough, first time offenders may face a $10,000 fine and a year in prison, while repeat offenders can face up to 10 years in prison. I’m looking at 25 to life here!

aacucumberThe Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act of 1998 is an Alabama law that criminalizes the sale of sex toys.  The law was originally sponsored by some male senator who was apparently so intimidated by the size of a vibrator that he made sure he included, “any person to knowingly distribute, possess with intent to distribute, or offer or agree to distribute any obscene material or any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for anything of pecuniary value.”

It doesn’t take Freud to pick apart the undertones of his motives there.  Methinks wifey, or mistress, had a battery operated boyfriend on the side that he couldn’t measure up to. Better lock her up.

aadongsquadHave no fear, ladies of Alabama.  Exemptions do exist for “bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial, or law enforcement purposes.” Law enforcement? Is there a ‘Bama SWAT team known as the “dong squad” or something?

So, what have we learned in this entry into the Dirty South?  (1) I am now a wanted fugitive in Alabama and my B.O.B. and I are on the run, (2) there’s a law enforcement purpose to own a sex toy, and (3) I will be getting a doctor’s note for B.O.B. the next time I plan a trip to Alabama.

Stay classy, ‘Bama.  Here in the Dirty South I’d waise my wabbit to you, but I don’t want to make any other male senators uncomfortable…plus my editor won’t want to shell out 10-g’s to bail me out of jail. [ed. note: You’re getting the chair, Dixie.]

Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling

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