Well, well, well, kiddies, here we are again, another adventure into the Dirty South, with your single, yet glamorously beautiful Southern gal. We have been spending a lot of time on “Teachers of the Dirty South” lately, so I wanted to make sure I gave the rest of our Southern parts equal time in the spotlight.
The Setting: Orange County, Florida. James Weldon Alton, 29, is facing a felony charge after allegedly texting photos of his genitals to a 16-year-old-girl. “You mean dick pics” you say? “Dixie, what’s so exciting about dick pics? EVERY guy sends women dick pics!” Well, aside from the fact that this guy is 29, and the recipient of the ween shots is only 16, I neglected to mention that Alton is….wait for it…Captain America at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. Yes, my lovelies, it seems that good old Captain America likes to show off his little avenger to underage girls.
Alton met the girl after she took a photo with him while he was at work dressed in his “uniform”. The girl posted the photo to Facebook, and like any good, creepy stalker, Alton found her, commented on the picture, and began an online “friendship” which later led to texting. Like all men dying to unleash Mr. Happy, the texting soon became more than friendly and Alton began to tell the girl that he was “getting into her.” That’s when the Captain went to his signature move – the dick pic.
The girl’s father went to police when he discovered the photos in his teenage daughter phone.
Our disgraced hero admitted that the pics were a bad idea and claimed that he didn’t know what he expected to happen once he sent them. He did state that he planned to meet up with the girl, but that they had not had the chance to firm up a date before he and his little captain had been busted.
Look, I am as much of a fan of the dick pic as any other girl, and I have received my share of them (wait, is that one coming in to my phone as we speak?), but to send them to a 16-year-old girl? I have said it before, and I will say it again….you men and your wieners!
Oh, there goes my phone again!
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling