Dirty South: Can I Get a Hand Here? May is National Masturbation Month


Hello, my sexy loyal followers. Earlier this week, I made sure I let all my male devotees know that this week is International Clitoris Awareness Week, just in case their lady friends went AWOL and the guys thought that maybe they were in a Twilight Zone episode, you know, like the Burgess Meredith “Last Man on Earth” episode.  Well, today, kiddies, I have something you all will enjoy.

aamayMay is officially National Masturbation Month. I am not sure what the people of Alabama are going to do, but methinks there may be an exceptionally large influx of arrests throughout the state.

Don’t ask me who decides these things, but this is definitely a cause I can get behind to justify my continual, obsessive, and degenerate self-gratification, and why B.O.B. may be looking into labor laws.  Far be it for this single, yet glamorously beautiful Southern gal to not abide by tradition, either.  I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that May is the horniest month of the year either.  It’s science. Look it up.

So, call off work, pull out your tube socks, head to Costco for your industrial-sized tub of lube, stock up on batteries for your own B.O.B., and someone please let my editor know that I will be MIA for longer than just a week now.

Continue to hold my calls.

If you need some motivation, The Divinyls ode to self-love, “I Touch Myself,” should help you get your private “celebration” started:

Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling


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