The Home Depot – home of lumber, lighting, and screws. But in this case, I am not talking about the handy-dandy little metal thingamabob that holds my furniture together. I am talking about good ol’ American banging. Hmm, who would have thought that Home Depot was such a sexy place? I may need to tell my editor I quit and go apply there!
The Setting: North Charleston, S.C. 20-year-old Emily Craig and 31-year-old Shaun Bowden were arrested after allegedly having sex in a display shed at a Home Depot. Some no fun, goody-goody called police after they saw the couple walk into the outdoor shed, shut the door, and not come out – at 8:40 a.m.! Police arrived, entered the shed, and found our classy dame partially clothed and her gentleman friend “shirtless, with his pants down around his knees and penis exposed.” She was charged with disorderly conduct and being a nuisance, while he was charged with disorderly conduct, being a nuisance, and indecent exposure. He was also taken to a local hospital for a severe case of blue balls, but was released.
For those of you who don’t know, Home Depot’s slogan is, “You can do it, we can help”. Yeah, if by “help” you mean call the po-po when I’m trying to get my bang on. Don’t do us any more favors, Home Depot!
We here in the Dirty South salute you, Emily and Shaun, and raise a Mint Julep in your honor. All fines and court dates aside, that’s one place you can now cross off your sexual bucket list. This single, yet glamorously beautiful Southern Gal would have chosen a less conspicuous location to get busy, like Lowes, but hey, to each his own.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling