The Curious Case of Johnny Football, His Penis and a Hot Dog Bun


New Cleveland Browns QB Johnny Manziel is being sued for a cool $25 mil in a new lawsuit that claims that Johnny Football was sending out Christmas selfies of his penis in a hotdog bun.

The person who filed the lawsuit identifies themselves as Samanatha Schacher of Headline News Network. She’s the little hottie co-host of “Dr. Drew” on HLN. An HLN spokesman said that Schacher did not file the lawsuit and “it’s 100% a hoax.” Suuurreee!

The lawsuit makes some wild accusations and is filled with all sorts of naughty goodness. Here are the highlights:

On Christmas Eve, 2013, Johnny Manziel sent me a Instagram photo of himself naked to me Facebook with Manziel putting a hotdog bun between his penis, smiling, calling me “Ho, Ho, Ho.”

[Manziel] keeps asking me to strip for him at his boy, LeBron James, crip [sic] in Miami.

Manziel told me if I don’t want him because his penis is small, when he gets drafted by the NFL he will get a penis enlargement and he’ll be Long John Silvers.

Johnny Manziel refers to his penis as his Vienna Sausage and told me good things come from small packages.

Manziel sent me a homemade video of himself at Walt Disney World on “It’s a Small World” ride in the Magic Kingdom, and while the song is on, he puts the camera down and unbuttons his pants, pulls his penis out and jingles his penis to the music.

Seeing Manziel and his small penis caused me psychological emotional distress. I had to see a Psychologist because I have nightmare’s of Manziel’s penis.

Manziel’s agent, Erik Burkhardt, immediately wrote on Twitter that the complaint is “fake” and “frivolous.”

As for Johnny Hotdog, he’s yet to comment, but as crazy as all this sounds you can kind of imagine it being real. Amiright?

Enjoy those Memorial Day wieners, my dirty turbaned friends. ‘Merica, f**k yeah!

Featured Writer: The Guru



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