As I write this, I cannot help but wonder what am I missing by not wearing a turban? They seem impractical, but as I am sure my editor, the wise and powerful Guru, will attest they are all the rage.
The Setting: Richmond County, Georgia. 28-year-old Jermaine Lloyd was arrested for indecent exposure after he was spotted strutting around in nothing but high heels and a turban. When police arrived, he was seen hiding behind a tree and attempting to put on a pair of pink women’s panties. When he spotted police, he attempted to flee, dropping a purple Crown Royal bag that allegedly contained cocaine and marijuana. He was apprehended a short time later.
Lloyd has been charged with public indecency, obstruction of law enforcement, possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, and possession of marijuana. He is presently being held in the Richmond County Jail on $12,640 bond. If this seems steep, it is because in November, Lloyd was pulled over by deputies after jumping a curb in his car. When he was told he was being arrested for DUI, he ran away and escaped arrest. Clearly, he was not wearing heels at that time, because any girl can tell you, running in heels is not physically possible.
So, what have we learned here today, kiddies? (1) Some people take the “walk a mile in my shoes” phrase way too literally (2) Chicks dig guys in turbans (3) Working a nothing but a pair of high heels, pink panties, and a turban is hard work, and (4) Cocaine is a helluvah drug.
We here in the Dirty South raise a Mint Julep and tip our dirty turbans in your general direction, Mr. Sassy Ass. You work it with those heels and shake that ass, just don’t do it while you are incarcerated.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling