Our previous journeys into the Dirty South have already taught you that a woman’s vajayjay can be utilized as a makeshift purse and gun holster, but now, we learn how the crack pipe got its name.
The Setting: Spartanburg County, South Carolina. 38-year-old Ella Jo Price was the passenger in a car that was pulled over. When officers questioned her she initially denied that she was carrying anything illegal. Deputies continued to question her as they noted she appeared to be “nervous,” and she eventually confessed. She then proceeded to remove not one, but TWO crack pipes. One was stashed in her ham wallet, the other was stashed in, you guessed it, her crack. She was charged with drug possession.
The vagina, or whatever else you want to call it – sausage wallet, oyster ditch, fish mitten, otter pocket – serves way more functions than your subservient Captain Winky. Sure, old Lord Thrusty is fun and all, but aside from a romp in the hay and a fun game of ring toss, what else is he capable of being utilized for?
We here in the Dirty South raise a Mint Julep to you, Ms. Price. You have given us use number 101 for the hoo-ha, and shown me, that although we are the same age, my decision to avoid crack use has proven beneficial in the looks vs. aging process. Crack really is a helluva drug.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling