It’s a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl; girl has no interest; boy ends up arrested for stalking. Ok, well, maybe not a tale as old as time, but a tale that this single, yet glamorously beautiful Southern gal is all too familiar with. If Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that stalkers in real life look and act nothing like John Cusack-esque boombox hoisters.
The Setting: Seminole County, Florida. 42-year-old Carmine Michael Bravo went romance crazy for a special gal he met while they were in the Seminole County Jail together. Authorities state that ol’ Johnny Bravo allegedly sent the object of his obsession 500 text messages, 1000 emails, flowers, and romantic “gifts.” He reportedly also framed the woman’s mug shots, showed up at her court hearings, drug rehabilitation meetings, and even attempted to help her out in court by speaking to her public defender and the judge’s assistant.
When all of this failed to woo the special lady, Bravo had to seek out more direct measures, and allegedly asked the woman’s probation officer to fix him up with her. Bravo was arrested for stalking, which he denied.
Bravo has been arrested several times in the past. Most recently, he was arrested for stealing some markers and women’s clothing from an Orlando Walmart. Were those the romantic gifts?
So, what have we learned here today, kiddies? (1) If you are single, jail and rehab may not be the best places to meet people. Just dish out the cash for a Match.com membership and get five dates in before you realize you are seeing a psycho like the rest of us. (2) Flowers and romantic gifts do not work on jail chicks and (3) stalkers, although creepy, are the best self-esteem boosters on the planet, ladies.
We here in the Dirty South raise a Mint Julep to you, Mr. Bravo. Way to show men everywhere that some women just don’t appreciate a good ol’ American stalker. And thank you for showing me that my current creepers need to step up their game.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling