The Setting: Boynton Beach, Florida. 27-year-old Sean Maize walked into the local Victoria’s Secret, surveyed the goods then pulled out Lord Thrusty and showed him to a store employee. While Maize and his exposed ding-a-ling were walking around the store, he also began to spit on the floor and several display tables. The employee called police and Maize and his one-eyed trouser snake fled.
After police arrived on scene, they decided to bring the employee to a nearby bus stop, where she identified Maize as the man who exposed himself to her and spit everywhere. The police report indicated, “This act outraged the sense of the victim’s decency.” Maize was arrested on charges of exposure of sexual organs and disorderly conduct. He remains in the custody of the good people of the Palm Beach Jail. Bond was denied. County records show that Maize had been arrested back in March on another indecent exposure charge.
So what have we learned here today, kiddies? (1) Men will go into Victoria’s Secret, apparently, so do not let your man act like Superman exposed to Kryptonite the next time you are at the mall and want to go in. (2) Matching bra and panty sets will cause a man to fall into a trance and his wiener to pop out, much like the snake charmers in India and (3) $58 for a bra, are you f***ing serious??!!
We here in the Dirty South raise a Mint Julep while wearing a corset to you, horrified Victoria’s Secret employee. While your “sense of decency” may have been outraged at this event, remember you are working in a store which promotes sexual arousal. If a pair of crotchless panties and titty pasties do nothing to shatter your fragile sense of decency, then an errant escaped schlong and some spitting shouldn’t either.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling