Well, well, well, here we are again Florida. I have tried to ignore you, but much like that stalker in the bushes outside of my apartment, here you are again. And, much like that stalker, you never cease to amaze me with your weirdness.
The Setting: St. Augustine, Florida. 23-yearold Jason Lee Vickery broke into a home and was about to *ahem* choke the sheriff, when a remote-controlled helicopter caught his eye. It really must’ve been some toy to warrant his attention away from crowning the bishop because it also sent him off on a search for batteries. After locating said batteries, he proceeded to fly the helicopter around the home for a while. At some point, he decided to eat a salad that he happened to have with him (random!!), then decided it was time to arm wrestle with his one-eyed trouser snake in the second floor bathroom.
Vickery was arrested and charged with larceny and burglary. He was also found to be carrying a bag of marijuana, other drug paraphernalia, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a towel and a wig.
We here in the dirty south raise a Mint Julep to you, Floridians. You are all, by far, my favorite band of donkey punching degenerates.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling