They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They serve a few functions, but I mostly use mine to get men to buy me drinks at the bar. Yes, boobs. Men love ‘em. Well guys, good news! If you happen to be in Georgia, you can now relax and unwind while being smothered in boobs.
The Setting: Atlanta, Georgia. 34-year-old Kristy Love is a certified massage therapist, who happens to be a BBW – if that is your thing, I don’t judge. Miss Love also happens to have size 48NN tata’s. This businesswoman after my own *ahem* heart has decided to take her natural talents and combine them with her massage skills and is offering both normal and “sensual” massages for clients. Her stacked trade however is something she calls “the happy man works” where she rubs her ginormous fun bags over various parts of her client’s body. Love claims that the massage is supposed to “keep you focused in the present and give you the opportunity to experience all aspects of your nature not just a part of your persona.”
Ok guys, before you get a tingly feeling at the mere thought her giant 28-pound Humpty Dumplings smothering your man essence, Kristy is not cheap. She charges $300 an hour for the titillating encounter and claims to make up to $1300 a day. Hmmm, I may have to reconsider my day job. Knowing and loving you all for the degenerates that you are, I am assuming you will start saving up those fantasy baseball winnings now.
We here in the dirty south raise a Mint Julep to you, Miss Love. You take those monster Gerber servers and do you, girlfriend!
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling