Dirty South: BJ’s Are a Girl’s Best Haggling Tool…Until The PoPo Show Up


We have all been there.  It’s time to buy a car and the price keeps going up and up on seemingly unnecessary features.  With these “No-Haggle” dealerships now, what is a girl to do?  Well, one classy southern belle found a car salesman who could not resist her offer.

The Setting:  Blountville, Tennessee.  28-year-old Crystal Frantzen was in the market for some new wheels and decided she wanted herself a Cadillac.  It seems, however, that sweet Crystal’s taste in cars was a little out of her price range, so she made some (ahem) arrangements with the salesman in exchange for a better deal.  How you ask?  Well, classy Crystal decided to offer the salesman a blowy in exchange for that better deal, for which he willingly accepted. Naturally!

aablowjobPolice officers received complaints of indecent exposure at a gas station parking lot and when they arrived on scene, they found Crystal with a mouth full of 58-year-old Gary Tipton’s meat whistle.  The act was reportedly taking place in the very car that Crystal was attempting to buy.  When she confessed, she stated that they never specified what the price was she was hoping to get out of the oral contract.  She was charged with prostitution and Tipton was charged with patronizing a prostitute and drug possession.  Both have been released on bond.

aabananaSo, what have we learned here today, kiddies?  (1) If you’re going to blow someone for a deal on a car, it is probably best to get the parameters of that deal up front and in writing  (2) If you have to blow a nearly 60-year-old man for a deal on a car you can’t afford, you may want to stick to taking the bus (3) Having to deal with those old bean bags alone would be enough for me to want to haggle for at least free Satellite Radio and (4) Ewwww…

We here in the dirty south raise a Mint Julep to you, Crystal.  You took one for the team in the name of looking fly-fresh in a new Caddy CTS.  Maybe next time, though, you may just want to save up the down payment money for an extra couple of months.

Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling


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