Dirty South: Dog Chews the Wrong Ball


It’s no secret that men tend to be dog people, while women tend to be cat people.  I mean, how many cases of “crazy cat guy” have you heard of, right?  But, after this story, the tides may be turning in favor of the furry feline as man’s new best friend.

aadogdildoThe Setting:  Trumann, Arkansas.  A 39-year-old paralyzed man rescued a small, white stray from a local pound, with the hopes of making a new friend and saving the little critter’s life.  The man, whose name has been withheld, stated that he has no feeling from the waist down, but awoke to a “burning pain” in his mid-section one night.  Turns out, the man, who sleeps in the nude, woke up to see Lassie between his legs covered in blood.  After further inspection, the man realized that the dog had chewed off and eaten one of his testicles.

The man was taken to a local hospital and treated.  The dog, who the man reportedly adopted a few weeks earlier, was tested for rabies and a zombie T-virus then put to sleep. Put to sleep? The little guy thought it was a Beggin’ Strip!

Now, while I know all you men are carefully cupping your hairy space hoppers while reading this and looking at your trusty pup suspiciously, remember that there are no stories out there of a cat chewing off a man’s berries…at least not one I have been able to find yet.

We here in the dirty south raise a Mint Julep to you, Mr. One Ball Samaritan who took one for the team. Sarah McLachlan would reach out to thank you for adopting a homeless pet, but she is too busy making sh***y music.


Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling


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