When it comes to seeing or getting boobies, booty, or the bajingo, men will do almost anything. One Texas man found out the hard way what kind of price you pay for the wizarding world of a woman’s whoopee cushions.
The Setting: Houston, Texas. Robert Wallace fell in love with a sexy, cocoa-skinned beauty named Nomi Mims. Apparently, Nomi, being the savvy businesswoman she is, did not see ol’ Robert the same way, but this did not stop her. Robert alleges that he loaned her $2000, a laptop, and his entire collection of Harry Potter movies as he believed he was in a relationship with Ms. Choco Lovin’. Nomi is now refusing to return the items, claiming that they were gifts that he gave to her. Well played, Sistah!
Nomi claims that she never dated Robert and stated, “I don’t believe in loans because I don’t want to pay anybody back. I’ve given him gifts too. You know, how do I get my booty and boobs back?” Indeed, Nomi…how?
Like any good creeper who frequents titty bars, Robert claims that they were “building a life together.” He does admit that he is not surprised that this is happening and as a result, has decided to not date strippers anymore.
We here in the dirty south raise a tear-seasoned Mint Julep to you, Robert. Unrequited love is painful to begin with, but when the bitch snatches your Harry Potter movie collection and won’t give it back, well, that stings a little more. Have a follow-up shot of Bourbon on us and see if Hagrid can help you get your s**t back.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling