When it comes to decorating, no one knows more about what “goes” than the gays. My token gay friend, Andrew, has helped me re-do my apartment more than once. But even Andrew’s sensibilities pale in comparison to the “vision” one homosexual demon had for a man’s apartment.
The Setting: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. 22-year-old Jeremy Jarnell Anderson, who also happens to be a Satanist, was arrested after “going ballistic” in his apartment. With the help of a homosexual demon, Anderson reportedly kicked a heavy apartment door off its hinges, threw furniture through his apartment door, broke windows, and ultimately started a fire in his apartment when he cooked a Bible. All this after he poured soap and salt over himself while breaking glass and other objects.
Officers attempted to taze Anderson, but he pulled the barbs out without them having any effect, and then demanded that officers put down their weapons and “fist fight” him. When officers were finally able to subdue Anderson, he was taken to a local hospital.
While at the hospital, Anderson reported that he met a “possessed homosexual demon” who wanted drugs from him and performed sexual acts on him. He insisted he (Anderson) “wasn’t gay, just high” and that when he sobered up, he couldn’t believe that he let a male demon touch him. He also insisted that he had done nothing wrong, and that the two were just “remodeling” his home.
He was later arrested and charged with first-degree arson. The homosexual demon was not charged, and it is reported that he has a deal in the works with HGTV for an upcoming reality show which will showcase his redecorator skills.
We here in the dirty south raise a Pomegranate Martini and a Mint Julep to you, Mr. Anderson. When you mess with the Black Book, bad things are bound to happen. But hey, at least you got a fabulous newly redecorated home out of it and a little nookie on the side.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling