Stalkers, peepers, creepers or wackos, whatever you want to call them, they are here to stay. Just ask the stalker who has been living in my bushes for the past 2 years. Some are more subtle and skilled in their chosen profession, others need a little more seasoning.
The Setting: Tulsa County, Oklahoma. A woman was enjoying a day at the White Water Park, when nature called. Unlike the rest of us, this goody-goody chose to go to the bathroom to relieve herself, rather than just let it go in the pool. When she hit the outhouse-style bathroom, she saw a man looking up at her. Underneath the toilet!
52-year-old Kenneth Enlow hit a new low when he was found peeping up from the bathroom floor, which is apparently a concrete floor that separates the toilet from the dookie-filled pit below, you know, real high-class facilities. He was reportedly covered in dirty squirties.
Enlow claimed that his girlfriend, “Angel,” knocked him unconscious with a tire iron and threw him in the poop pit. Oh, I neglected to mention that Enlow is 6’, 240-pounds, so cops weren’t buying his story.
Enlow was charged with peeping and taken to jail. His bond was set at $500. Enlow also had outstanding warrants for embezzlement and illegal trash dumping, and had also been arrested for public intoxication and driving with a suspended license in the past.
So, what have we learned here today, kiddies? 1) Some creepers will go to any lengths to see some woman’s hoo-ha. Even immerse themselves in a stank tank; 2) If you are going to be all high and mighty and use public bathrooms like some kind of socialite debutante, then you deserve whatever happens to you and; 3) my stalker/peeper needs to step up his game. This “bushes creeping” is getting tired.
We here in the dirty south raise a Purell-laced Mint Julep to you, Mr. Enlow. Whether you were knocked unconscious and tossed into a septic tank by a woman or you chose to climb in there for a chance at a free golden shower, you are definitely our kind of degenerate. You may, however, want to refer to your Creeper Handbook. I believe there is a chapter in there listing all the reasons crap tank peeping is frowned upon, or so my stalker tells me.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling