If Chuck D and Flava Flav of Public Enemy taught us anything in the ‘90’s, it’s that 911 is a joke in some parts of these United States. Regardless of how you feel about it personally, when you need assistance it is the number to call…just not when the assistance you need is with Mr. Happy Sexy Time.
The Setting: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. 72-year-old Clyde Hobbs was in the mood for some sexy lovin’ time that his wife apparently wanted no parts of. So, he did what any horned up, old geezer would do…he called 911.
Hobbs allegedly called his area 911 service and made “sexually oriented comments” to the operators. Harmless, right? Well, this was not a one-time deal. Hobbs apparently called 911 17 times that day. Eventually, police were called and when they arrived at his home Hobbs stated, “Are you here to arrest me again?”
It seems ol’ Hobbsie had been arrested for the same dial a sex stunt before – three times before. He was reportedly belligerent on his way to jail, probably from the massive blue balls. He was booked on charges of making false reports and bail was set at $34,000.
So, what have we learned here today kiddies? 1) A horny old man will do just about anything to get a little rub and tug; 2) My stalker only calls me 10 times a day with his sexy talk and he is half this geezer’s age. What’s up with that? And 3) 911 may be a joke in Compton, but in Oklahoma they have no sense of humor when it comes to old man wieners.
We here in the dirty south raise a Ensure and Viagra infused flavored Mint Julep to you, Mr. Hobbs. It’s good to see that your old man libido has stood the test of time while your judgment did not. Next time, if even your own wife wants nothing to do with your old, wrinkly dinglehopper, chances are, no one else wants anything to do with it either. Just pay for a cheap hooker like any other self-respecting old fart.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling
@TDDSports
#TheDirtyTurban
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