It has been noted in many a Dirty South article before that Alabammy is less than open-minded when it comes to anything “south of the border.” However, it seems that passing laws to make sex toys and lady parts illegal wasn’t enough for their fragile, Puritanical sensibilities. Gentlemen, Alabammy just stepped up their game in the “we won’t tolerate private parts ‘round here” arena, and you aren’t going to like what you hear.
The Setting: Birmingham, Alabama. 56-year-old Johnny Lee Banks, Jr., checked into a local hospital for a routine circumcision, and awoke to find his wink-a-doodle had been completely amputated during the surgery. Banks is now suing Simon-Williamson Clinic and the Urology Centers of Alabama and as he stated that he was not provided a reason by any medical staff as to why his love muscle had been removed.
Banks, who is married but presently unemployed due to an undisclosed disability “is devastated,” according to his attorney, John Graves. A hospital spokeswoman, Kate DeWitt Darden, dropped her two cents in to the ring by making one of the stupidest comments of the year: “His allegations are without merit. We intend to defend all counts aggressively.”
Without merit!? They guy is missing his dong, lady! Wow, those Alabamians REALLY don’t want to believe that sexy parts exist!
We here in the dirty south raise a Mint Julep to you, Mr. Banks. While the women of Dirty South Nation applaud you for finally wanting to get rid of that anteater at 56, we also believe that a penis is a terrible thing to waste.
Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling