Red Sox Trade Jon Lester to Oakland For Yoenis Cespedes and Jonah Hill

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You have to hand it to Billy Brad Pitt Beane, he’s got some some big money balls. Thursday morning, the Boston Red Sox shipped ace left-hander and two-time World Series champion Jon Lester (along with American hero Jonny Gomes) to Beane’s Oakland A’s for slugger Yoenis Cespedes and Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill.

When asked to comment, Billy Pitt said, “I know Jonah got a couple Oscar nominations, but this money ball stuff is getting kinda old. We’d like to win a playoff game. Besides, Angelina and I have 42 kids to feed.”

Red Sox general manager Ben Cherington said, “Cespedes gives us a big righty bat at Fenway and we sure hope we get the fat Jonah Hill because the skinny one isn’t as funny and just looks weird.”

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Featured Writer: The Guru

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The Daily Degenerate Fantasy Baseball Picks 7/30

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Happy Hump Day, Dirty Turbanites. After a long and glorious hot streak, my winning ways came to an end last night as I finished out of the money for the first time in over a week. No need to shed internet tears for me, loyal readers. Remember, not only am I well-spoken and incredibly talented, but I’m also stunningly handsome.

ugly MLB decided to split the schedule again today so we have 6 games in the afternoon and 9 games on the PM schedule. Shockingly, I have a job and need to work during the day so I’m focusing on the night slate.

Want to play with the Dirty Turban crew on DraftKings tonight? Click this link. Here’s the Legendary (& Handsome) Lifshitz team tonight on DraftKings

SP 1 – Zack Greinke, $10,600: Over the last few weeks I’ve switched my strategy and begun to pay up for pitching. Tonight, I’m buying Greinke, I love the matchup against the whiff happy Braves andI have a feeling he could hit double digit K’s and out score the more expensive King Felix

SP 2 – Corey Kluber, $9,400: There aren’t many pitchers I own more shares of in fantasy leagues this year than Kluber. He’s also been a great play on dailies for most of the year. The matchup against a mediocre Mariners lineup tonight has me buying Corey K’s.

C – Caleb Joseph, $2,000: Punt Alert! Everyone’s favorite punt play gave way to Nick Hundley yesterday. This means he’s (more than likely) in the lineup tonight. At a cost of $2,000 he’s a great way to open up some cash for the big bats. CJ is like the Dollar menu of DFS – always tasty, but mostly causes extreme flatulence.

1B – David Ortiz, $5,400: Ortiz has been one of the few bright spots in the Sox lineup this year as he’s continued to hit regardless of the mediocrity around him. Over the last week, Papi has been hot, hitting 5 homers over the last 9 games. Tonight’s matchup vs Mark Buehrle looks tasty from a BvP standpoint. Ortiz is 25/79 with 4 homers and 14 RBI’s lifetime off the lefty. That’s a huge sample size and Ortiz is in the groove. Sign me up! Dong of the night.

2B – Yangervis Solarte, $3,400: Solarte is a great example of how quickly life can change. Back in April and May he was a .300 hitter in the Yankees lineup and now he plays for the Padres. What a ride! His 2014 season is like the baseball equivalent of Antoine Walker’s life!

3B – Brock Holt, $4,000: Am I building a Red Sox stack? I just might be. Not much data with this pick, but I like Holt and at $4,000 he’s one of my favorite players at the hot corner today. Doesn’t that sound like Gentleman’s Club? The Hot Corner, home of $150 hand jobs!

SS – Andrew Romine, $2,600: Suarez was pulled from last night’s game, so I’m expecting Romine to get the starting nod tonight for the Tigers. I’m hoping Andy Lettuce brings some green to my team. Oh and some vitamin A! Vitamin A is important guys!

OF 1 – Jose Bautista, $5,600: This pick was originally based on Joey Bats career BvP against Jon Lester. Due to the Red Sox desire to be the Tampa Bay Rays, they have decided to scratch Lester from his start, signaling a trade is on the horizon. I could go on all day about the stupidity of this move but I won’t. Instead, I’ll focus on Joey Bats and his current hot streak. In his last 7 games, Jose has scored in double digits 5 times. Over that span his lowest scoring game is 7. I’d be shocked if he doesn’t put one in the seats tonight.

OF 2 – David Murphy, $3,600: His numbers vs. Felix Hernandez are a total anomaly. He’s 24/78 with 3 homers and 16 RBI’s. That’s just crazy and it’s a pretty substantial sample size to draw from too. I’ll give Murphy a go and see if he can capture some of that magic again tonight.

OF 3 – Jonny Gomes, $3,200: Jonny Gomes loves a few things: Himself first and foremost, America, and hitting lefties. The man is to hitting lefties what Rajai Davis is to SAGNOF. He just crushes lefty pitching and his BvP lifetime against Buehrle is right in line with that train of thought – 11/33 with 4 walks tells me there’s a good chance for a profit tonight.

As always be sure to check the lineups, give a look at the weather and I toast your team with slightly chilled Manischewitz.

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Contributing Writer: Ralph Lifshitz

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#DirtyTurban

(PHOTO) Jonny Gomes Bleeds Red, White and Blue

Boston Red Sox outfielder Jonny Gomes loves America. Just ask him. He thinks he’s some sort of baseball version of Rambo. During Tuesday’s batting practice, Gomes put on his red, white and blues in support of the United States match vs. Belgium in the 2014 FIFA World Cup.

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(VIDEO) The Legend Of Brock Holt Continues To Grow

Red Sox outfielder Jonny Gomes lost the ball in the Fenway lights Tuesday night, but fortunately Sox second baseman turned center fielder Brock Holt was there to make the catch of the night.

The Sox went on to beat the Twins 2-1.

Click the video below of Fenway’s new favorite son.

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The Daily Degenerate Fantasy Baseball Picks 5/29

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Hey there my fantasy junkes, your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru has been off a few days working on the tanlines, but I’m ready to dive back into the deep end of DFS pool and soak up some cash.

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We have eight games on the slate tonight, some high over/unders from the sharks in Vegas and it looks like a great night to spend on some big bats.

Here’s your dirty turbaned Guru’s team for Thursday 5/29. Good luck, cheers.

All values are based on DraftKings pricing.

SP 1 – Jamie Garcia, $9,200: We’re going cheap on the pitching tonight and the price is right for Garcia who faces  Giants team that is $truggling versus lefties this year.

SP 2 – Jake Peavy, $7,500: Ok, Peavy has been bad lately, but these Braves are 29th against right-handed pitching and $trikeout a lot.

C – Nick Hundley, $2,500: Hundley seems to be fitting in well since his trade to the O’s and I never $pend big on catcher.

1B – Chris Davis, $5,200: The donkey has five bomb$ over the his last 10 games and faces Brad Peacock and his 5.20 ERA tonight. Look for runs in this one. Paul Goldschmidt is another great option tonight.

2B – Kolten Wong, $3,700: Wong hits high in the order, has 10+ FPTS over his last five games and the pri$e be right. Daniel Murphy of the Mets is another slightly more expensive play tonight.

3B – Martin Prado, $3,900: The price is way too low for Prado who has been $moking hot lately. In his last four games, Prado has six hits, five runs, two homers and six RBI. Looking to spend on the hot corner? Grab David Wright against Daisy Buchanan who’s making just his second start on the year.

SS – Xander Bogaerts, $3,800: The X-Man is $winging big and is hitting.327 AVG with a .935 OPS against lefties this year. Another SS play I’m targeting tonight is Erick Aybar of the Angels.

OF 1 – Yasiel Puig, $5,600: As long as the ManBearPuig is in the lineup I’m playing him as he produce$ every night. Want to spend a little more? Look to Mike Trout who’s heating up and in a great spot tonight.

OF 2 – Nelson Cruz, $5,400: Cruz is one of the hottest bats in baseball right now with seven home run$ in the last 10 days. At roughly the same price Jose Bautista and Matt Holiday are a couple bats to target.

OF 3 – Jonny Gomes, $3,500: Alway$ love Jonny against a lefty at Fenway Park and he’s averaging 9+ FPTS over his last five games. Other cheap outfielders I like tonight are Jay Bruce, Curtis Granderson and Kole Calhoun.

Good luck and remember to always check daily lineups and weather conditions.

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Featured Writer: The Guru

@TheGuruGS
#TheDirtyTurban

The Daily Degenerate Fantasy Baseball Picks 4/20

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Happy Easter, our dear daily degenerates. Ready to shove some cash in your Easter basket? It’s been a good week for us on DraftKings and we looked to double up last night. However, our pitching – namely Matt “Good For Nuthin'” Garza pooped his pants and things looked lost…that is until Ryan Braun poked his second homer of the night and we cashed all five of our 50/50’s! KA-CHING! Whatever HGH/Cadbury egg concoction Braun is swilling let’s hope he keeps it up.

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We have 16 games on the slate this Easter Sunday as we look to continue our winning ways. There are a number of quality pitching options that come at a hefty price including Stephen Strasburg. Taking a look at hitters expect folks to stack the Rockies/Phillies game, but it’ll cost you. Today we are looking for quality and quantity and that should keep us in the money.

Here’s the Dirty Turban roster we’re rolling with today 4/20 *cough cough*

All values are based on DraftKings pricing.

SP 1 – Yordana Ventura, MIN at KC, $10,000: Spending big here, but not as much $trasburg will cost you. The Royal rookie is averaging 25+ FPTS in his first two starts this year and gets a Twinkies team that is fourth in the AL in strikeouts.

SP 2 – Homer Bailey, CIN at CHC, $8,500: We’re relying on our friends over at Razzball here as they project Bailey as the fifth best start of the day. Don’t $teer us wrong.

C – Mike Napoli, BAL at BOS, $4,500: Nap isn’t a catcher anymore, but don’t tell DraftKings that. The bearded Bunyan has two homer$ in four at-bats vs. Orioles starter Jimenez.

1B – Justin Morneau, PHI at COL, $4,700: There will be a lot of Rockies/Phillies stacks today as Vega$ has the o/u at 10. Morneau had a homer last night and has a good chance for another one today.

2B – Scooter Gennent, MIL at PIT, $2,600: $cooter is our go-to punt play and why not, he’s averaging nearly six points a game in his last four.

3B – Eric Sogard, HOU at OAK, $3,100: Kinda, maybe, sorta a punt but $ogard’s hiiting .571 against Lastros started Brad “Beautiful Plumage” Peacock.

SS – Cliff Pennington, ARI at LAD, $2,900: Another spot we look to $ave and it helps that Cliff kills Josh “The Gerbil” Beckett with a .500 average.

OF 1 – Jacoby Ellsbury, NYY at TB, $4,900: Ells is facing a lefty, but his splits aren’t that much different. The chance to hit, steal, score runs and maybe send one deep against a guy names Cesar making his first start of the year is just too good to pa$$ up.

OF 2 – Melky Cabrera, TOR at CLE, $4,900: Melky is off to a hot $tart averaging nearly 9 1/2 FPTS a game and is 4/8 with a homer off Indians starter Carrasco.

OF 3 – Jonny Gomes, BAL at BOS, $3,700: Gomes is playing in the only night game and we’ll cross our fingers he’s in the lineup. No reason he shouldn’t be as Gomes has two career homers off Ubaldo. Actually, all the $ox kill Ubaldo and could make a good $tack.

Good luck and remember to always check daily lineups and weather conditions.

agoo1
Featured Writer: The Guru

@TheGuruGS
#TheDirtyTurban

The Daily Degenerate Fantasy Baseball Picks 4/16

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It was another successful (albeit late) night of degenerate DraftKings madness Tuesday. Your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru cashed five-out-five contests for a nice chunk of cash to put us one step closer to that beach in Cancun for some winter thong watching. I was sweating my turban until Mike Trout hit a homer in the bottom of the ninth that saved our night. Yes, sometimes the fantasy gods smile on us sinners.

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Let’s look to roll those winnings over tonight with a roster that reminds me of my last girlfriend –  it may not be too sexy, but it tries real hard. And it’s Asian.

All prices are based on DraftKings pricing system.

Yu Darvish, SP: $12,600 – Darvish is averaging 30+ FPTS in his first two starts. I’m going to $pend big here as the guy has banked for me big already this year. We’ll look to save elsewhere.

Michael Pineada, SP: $9,200 – I’m not too high on the pine tar stained Yankee in real fantasy baseball (does that make sense), but I like him in this matchup. He gets the Cubs in Game 2 of the double bill today. The Cubbies are 7th in MLB in K’s. KA-CHING! Load up on the $ticky $tuff, Mike.

David Ross, C: $2,100 – Check the lineup first, but Ross is likely to get the start against the stanky lefty John Danks. It’s a value move here, let someone else spend big on Buster Posey while the Blue Wolf scores nearly as many points for le$$ than half the price.

Paul Konerko, 1B: $3000 – Another value play as we spent big on arms, but the 75-year-old Konerko has b$shed Sox starter Clay Buchholz to the tune of a .467 average.

Howie Kendrick, 2B: $4,100 – Kendrick kills Milone – 9/20 with two homers in his career. $tart him tonight.

Pablo Sandoval, 3B: $3,600 – The Panda is averaging 9+ FPTS in his last four games and has two career homers against Paul Maholm. Like the chances for a big bla$t tonight.

Erick Aybar, SS: $3,100 – Cheap price for a $hortstop averaging 8+ FPTS in his last five games. Aybar also hits Milone pretty well with a .353 average. Actually, all the Angels hit Milone at .300+ clip.

Austin Jackson, OF: $4,500 – Action Jackson is 5/10 against the Indians Zach McCallister and has a good chance to score runs tonight in a game Vega$ has the Tigers winning.

Yoenis Cespedes, OF: $4,100 – Nice pri$e here for a guy with 8+ FPTS a game through the first 10 games.

Jonny Gomes, OF: $3,700 – We’re looking for cheap power here and Gome$ can hit the lefties. Gome$ has 10+ points in his last three starts. He takes Danks deep tonight.
Good luck and remember to always check daily lineups and weather conditions or just follow me on Twitter – I tweet all that info. Buy me a drink later.

agoo1
Featured Writer: The Guru

@TheGuruGS
#TheDirtyTurban

 

 

(PHOTO) Jonny Gomes Dons the Stars and Stripes, David Ortiz Takes Selfie During White House Visit

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Jonny Gomes was rocking the stars and stripes as President Obama honored the 2013 World Series champion Boston Red Sox at the White House on Tuesday.

Gomes’ patriotic duds were a White House first, although Teddy Roosevelt may have worn a similar outfit in 1902.

Red Sox slugger David Ortiz used the opportunity to nab the ultimate selfie.

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(PHOTO) Red Sox to Wear Patriotic Suits for White House Visit

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Boston outfielder and resident patriot Jonny Gomes picked out some Yankee Doodle Dandy-style duds for his Red Sox teammates to wear to the White House.

The World Series champions will be honored by President Obama this coming Tuesday and the Sox even sent the Commander-in-chief some new threads.

Boston opens their title defense Monday in Baltimore against the Orioles. Besides the trip to the White House, the team is also planning to visit wounded soldiers at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.

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(PHOTO) Jonny Gomes Shaves Off Beard, Looks Like Charles Manson

Another member of the bearded Bunyan’s of the Boston Red Sox has lost their fuzzy facial force.

Jonny Gomes’ beard is no longer with us. R.I.P.

Gomes gave his mane a trim on Monday, and by using Norelco razors to complete the job on Wednesday he earned a $10,000 donation from the company to the Travis Roy Foundation which helps spinal cord injury survivors.

However, the new look may take some time getting used to. Does Jonny look a little like a young Charles Manson or what?

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                                                                  Jonny 

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Charlie

It’s Helter Skelter, baby.

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